What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
