I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
