I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
