we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
