so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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