i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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