I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
