Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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