My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
