Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
