remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
