I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
