So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
