Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
