OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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