i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
