i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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