Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
