Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
