My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
