Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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