exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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