you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
