He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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