Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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