This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
