I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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