You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
