May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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