Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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