I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
