YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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