Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
