Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
