he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
