He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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