I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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