It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
