i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
