did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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