i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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