There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
