one might say we're banned from that church
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
