glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would ride that face into the sunset
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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