No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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