I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
