Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
