Tell her she can't have a vagina
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
