You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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