if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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