good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
