I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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