i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize