using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
