In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
