I want to walk on stilts...naked
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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