what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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