do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
