4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
