I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
