Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize