I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
