Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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