I'm sorry my penis didn't work
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
