dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
