You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
