Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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