I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
