I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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