I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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