that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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