well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
