can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
