never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We got so high we made milksteak
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
