I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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