Ambien. No doubt about it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
