oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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