No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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