You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
