i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
