i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
