So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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