Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
