alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
