we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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