I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
