It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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