Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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